I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
After making love to this girl she started crying, I said Are you going to hate yourself in the morning, No I hate myself now.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
I knew a girl that was so ugly that... The last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alkaseltzer.
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Once somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. she said No, but I did get the license number.
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark.
What a dog I got. I tried to mate her she wants 50 biscuits.
Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!
When I was born the doctor turned me upside down and said, my God twins.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said... Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over, nobody was home.